The Collaborative Process Container
When a couple decides to divorce, they will go through a process of uncoupling. Long before Katherine Woodward Thomas put “conscious” in front of the word, divorce lawyers and therapists had been facilitating that process for years. Litigation, the default legal process, provides a structure to take apart many components of married life, from financial ties to allocation of day-to-day parenting responsibilities. Therapy addresses other things that change such as identity and attachment structures that marriage provides. Collaborative Process can provide an integrated structure – a container – to hold a family while a couple’s old life is taken apart and while they explore and ultimately decide how to put the pieces back together.
The structure of litigation is based on “the law” or the minimum standards used to resolve the financial and parenting issues of a wide variety of family structures. The legal “container” also includes the rules by which the game is played. Litigation has rules. Pleadings are filed. In discovery, documents are produced. There may be motions filed and court dates. Ultimately, the judge, the court systems, holds the attorneys (or clients if they represent themselves) to account for following the rules.
The therapeutic process also has rules for helping a person work through the social-emotional aspects of divorce. Privacy and confidentiality rules often result in therapists working in a vacuum and doing their best to support the client but with incomplete information about what is really going on. In a family with multiple family members seeing different therapists, the structure has “holes” in that generally, the different professionals do not talk to each other. When a couple chooses an interdisciplinary Collaborative approach, this all comes together. Legal professionals can be in communication with mental health professionals.
The size, shape and durability of the Collaborative Container can vary. For a short-term marriage with no children and two W-2 wage earners, a Collaborative team could easily be just two lawyers. The finances would be straight forward. With no children, the need for post-divorce communication is minimal.
On the other extreme, a high conflict couple with minor children where one or both spouses own/operate a business, where kids have special needs or where significant non-marital assets are at play, the Collaborative team will need to include additional professions. A team may include a coach/child specialist, financial neutral and/or a business valuation professional.
When an interdisciplinary team is recommended, these professionals will work together to triage. Their expertise in prioritizing issues is invaluable. As a cohesive professional team, each professional will be advised of all the issues. They anticipate the pitfalls. Together, they will be balancing the many different interests – not only the interests of each spouse but those of the children and/or the business entity. The professional team can create a “space” in which all of it can be addressed.
Just as the container of litigation has rules, so does Collaborative Process. Everyone needs to sign a Participation Agreement that describes these rules, e.g., full, voluntary disclosure and maintaining the status quo. Although pleadings are generally filed after agreements are reached, the same documents must be produced. Although no motions are filed, the team will reach temporary agreements throughout the process. Another way the team provides containment is regular team meetings – with an agenda prepared in advance and notes summarizing the meeting provided and approved by all following the meeting. Respectful communication during the meetings is also an important part of the container.
To be clear – I want to close this article with a caution. I said “can.” Collaborative Process can provide an integrated structure. Some professions take a more holistic approach than others. If you are a client who wants a holistic resolution, interview potential professionals, keep this in mind, some clients don’t want the healing and transformation that is possible. If you are a professional be aware of this. Communication is key. Be clear about what you want. Be clear about what you are capable of handling. The divorce process is not “one-size-fits-all.”
Theresa Beran Kulat is a Mediator, Attorney, Astrologer, Coach, Author, Speaker, Mom, Quantum Healer and a wearer of many hats. “Teri” to her friends and when she is on stage. A woman committed to Love in all its expressions who supports people as they journey to authentic self-expression and lives filled with Joy, Peace and Love. Theresa, a pioneer in the Collaborative Law movement, has been helping people divorce with dignity for over 20 years. Now she offers “Intentional Relationship Design” to support people in creating partnership so they can be truly Happy – no matter what the relationship looks like.
She belongs to the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and the DuPage County Bar Association.
Theresa received a B.A. with Honors in Economics from John Carroll University and her J.D. with Honors from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Previous employers include the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago; Proctor & Gamble; and Ottosen Britz, Ltd.
Her writing credits include: “Holistic Divorce: An Opportunity for Transformation,” published in Stress Free Divorce, and the “Collaborative Process Act” chapter in Gitlin on Divorce. She provides training and public speaking through her other company, Trinity Collaboration, Inc.
