We periodically feature our members (Fellows) so that you can learn more about them, Collaborative divorce, and our organization.
Profession: Couples Counselor, Divorce Coach, Divorce Counselor
What drew you to become a Collaborative Divorce Professional?
Working with couples for over 25 years as a couples counselor, I have seen many couples get better, heal wounds, and restore their relationship to healthy start. But I’ve also seen many who decide to get divorced in the old fashioned, destructive way. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether couples get divorced or stay together, most still need help in communicating with each other to advance their goals, deal with loss and feelings of resentment, and clarify their values. I wanted to help not just the ones who got better and stayed together, but also the ones who decided to uncouple. Being a couples counselor means that I have ability to help couples in all stages of their relationship, including separation and divorce.
What do you find rewarding about practicing Collaborative Divorce?
As a divorce counselor and coach, I derive satisfaction from helping couples make sound decisions about the future life of the family. One of the best things I can do for couples is to help them shape their future family structure with ideas about how to get divorced that they may not have thought about.
What tips do you have for couples considering divorce?
Once a couple decides to divorce, they have a choice in the matter on how they divorce. The best options are not always the most obvious. Do your research. Turn off the noise of well-meaning relatives and friends. Hire a good guide for the project. The children are affected by divorce, of course. But they are affected much more by how the couple divorces. Find out what children really need the most to grow up healthy and strong. Turn negative emotions into positive actions: Anger and resentment have a purpose and a reason. What’s important is what people do with anger and resentment, not how they feel. Pause long enough before making a decision and evaluate the consequences of all your actions on the divorce process, your partner, and your children.
Tell us something interesting about you.
I was born and raised in Buenos Aries, Argentina and have lived in the U.S. for more than half my adult life. I have 5 children (two of them are twin daughters, now 38) and 5 grandchildren.