How Adult Children Are Impacted by and Can Impact Their Parents’ Divorce

Divorce is often seen as a process that primarily affects young children, with courts and families focusing on issues like custody and parenting schedules. However, adult children are also deeply impacted by their parents’ divorce, even if they are legally independent. The experience can be emotionally challenging and sometimes disruptive, and adult children may also play a role in influencing the process.

The Overlooked Impact on Adult Children

Once children reach adulthood, courts no longer have jurisdiction over their involvement in the divorce, except for financial considerations like college expenses. This can lead to adult children being overlooked in discussions about how the family will navigate the divorce. Yet, they still face emotional turmoil and practical challenges:

Emotional Strain: Adult children often feel caught in the middle of their parents’ conflict. They may struggle to reconcile their loyalties to both parents, leading to feelings of guilt, frustration, or sadness.

Family Dynamics Shift: Divorce alters holiday traditions, family events, and even daily interactions. Adult children may need to juggle relationships with each parent separately, sometimes navigating new boundaries and expectations.

Impact on Milestones: Significant life events—like weddings, graduations, or the birth of grandchildren—can become complicated if parents are not on amicable terms. These occasions often require both parents to interact, which can be stressful if the divorce was contentious.

Adult Children as Influencers in Divorce

Adult children can also influence the divorce process in subtle and significant ways:

Communication with Parents: Adult children often remain in contact with both parents during the divorce. Their perspectives, advice, or even emotional reactions can impact how parents approach negotiations and decisions.

Support for Collaborative Approaches: In collaborative divorces, adult children may encourage their parents to prioritize mutual respect and effective communication, knowing it will foster healthier family interactions post-divorce.

Strong Opinions: While adult children generally lack legal influence over the divorce, they may voice opinions about issues like division of family assets or post-divorce living arrangements, which can sway their parents’ choices.

Collaborative Divorce as a Positive Tool

One significant advantage of a Collaborative Divorce process is its flexibility to address the needs of the entire family, including adult children. Collaborative Divorce allows parents to have open discussions about family dynamics and long-term planning. This approach can:

Provide tools for co-parenting through significant milestones, like weddings or holidays.

Preserve relationships and foster amicable communication, which benefits everyone in the family, including adult children.

Create agreements that consider the needs and feelings of adult children, even if they’re not legally part of the court’s jurisdiction.

Preserving Relationships is Possible

The divorce of parents is a life-altering event for adult children, even though they are often overlooked in the process. Recognizing their emotional needs and potential influence is crucial. A Collaborative Divorce can help families navigate these challenges with grace, preserving relationships and fostering a supportive environment for everyone involved. Adult children may not be the focus of a divorce, but their experiences and roles highlight the importance of handling this transition with care and empathy.

To schedule an appointment with Jessica, call 312-626-0502. You may also visit www.illinoislawforyou.com

Jessica Sindel

As a practicing attorney, Jessica has devoted her entire career to advocating for parents and children. When she began practicing in 2013, initially as a Guardian ad Litem for children in foster care in St. Louis, Missouri. When she moved to Chicago in 2015, she worked as an educational attorney advocating on behalf the parents of children with special needs. While she enjoyed her work in both areas, it was not until 2017 that Jessica found her niche as a family law practitioner. Since then, she has dedicated herself exclusively to the practice of family and divorce law.